If you are contemplating a divorce or have already started the process, it is sometimes difficult to see the proverbial ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. There are many issues to consider, such as how you and your spouse will divide property such as the family home, what arrangements to make for spending time with your children and how each of you contribute financially to the other spouse or the children moving forward.
In many divorces, the process is made all the more difficult because there may be resentment, anger or sadness when a marriage ends and, sometimes, an undefined future looms large. Although there are challenges to overcome, many report finding happiness and contentment following divorce and some couples discover they are able to find a positive middle ground with a previous spouse, especially if there are children in the mix.
The divorced mother of two young children, writer and attorney, Lara Bazelon, recently shared her journey through divorce in the New York Times, which may serve as an inspiration for others. It is a familiar tale for those in a faltering marriage of finger pointing, grudge-holding and miserable family vacations devolving into arguments with uneasy children on the sidelines. She describes that, although she is not a ‘quitter’ by nature, she ultimately had to concede that divorce was the best decision for her and her children, and as it turned out, it also had a positive effect on her relationship with her husband.
After the couple initially separated, Bazelon admitted she ‘ fantasized about getting her former spouse on the witness stand and skewering him’, a sentiment that is shared by many facing divorce. Those who have been there can attest to wanting an acknowledgement, if not an apology, for misdeeds and hurts endured during a marriage or for what, initially, may feel like lost time.
Although Bazelon’s divorce was seemingly rocky and the period immediately following was a difficult process of redefining their family, she and her ex-husband’s relationship has shifted from one of anxiety and anger to a relationship of mutual encouragement and support in order to raise their children into ‘smart, thoughtful, and decent’ beings, albeit from separate camps.
For the author, the days of a ‘mouth permanently twisted in a grimace of feigned forbearance’ have now evolved into being fully present with a renewed joy in family moments, which sometimes involve mom, dad and their kids in what she describes as the ‘improbable other side’ to divorce. Take a look at the full NYT article here.
Source: New York Times, “From Divorce, a Fractured Beauty”, by Lara Bazelon, accessed December 3, 2015.